Dave's Florida Week Manifesto

There was a lot of hype leading up to the Alabama game this season, but nothing like this. From last year's controversy to Florida's wins in past seasons to Tim Tebow's Heisman and Urban Meyer's grudge, there's plenty of easy stories for the media to publicize this week, and quite frankly, I'm not looking forward to hearing about any of them. It's a big game because two of THIS YEAR'S best teams will play with control of the SEC East hanging in the balance. To spend the whole week talking about a post-touchdown penalty is to completely ignore what makes this week's matchup great.

So, in order to make sure we're all on the same page about what I think we should be talking about this week, here are a few rules I've set for myself as we get set for Georgia-Florida '08.

I. I will not talk about the celebration.

Kudos to Mark Richt for putting gag order on himself and his players in regards to the event which shall no longer be named. It's meaningless, it's history, it's already been parsed as much as any play in college football in the past decade. This has been the single most overhyped sports story that doesn't include the words "Brett" and "Favre."

II. If anyone gives out Tim Tebow's cell phone number, I will not call him.

Unless I'm aware of an emergency circumcision that needs to be done in the middle of a Peruvian jungle. I mean, who else would you call in that situation?

III. I will ask Clint Boling if he thinks Florida is a good team and if he's excited for the challenge this week.

It will be good to actually ask a question an offensive lineman will answer.

IV. I will not partake of cocktails at the Cocktail Party.

Unless, of course, someone aks nicely, offers to buy or there's a large group of women who find sports writers sexy. I'm not holding my breath on that last category.

V. I will not mention Georgia's all-time lead in the UGA-UF series.

Seriously Georgia fans, it just makes you look silly to talk about that. Did you know the Cubs also have more wins than any other National League team in history? Lotta good it's done them for the past century. If you want to talk smack, I suggest this:

Q: How do you get a UF grad off your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

VI. I will also not mention Florida's record against Georgia while Steve Spurrier was still coach.

The man coaches the Chickens now. It's been seven years. Let it go.

VII. I will be very jealous of the folks celebrating back home after the Phils win the Series.

In the meantime, I need to find a place around here that sells Yuengling and makes a legit cheesesteak.

VIII. I will link to anything that involves funny beards.

Well, well, what do we have here? These beat the heck out of my Phillies playoff beard.

IX. I will not assume Dannell Ellerbe is going to play.

Ellerbe's return has been the rough equivilent of the new Guns N Roses album -- constantly rumored and never happens. And just like "Chinese Democracy," there's really not much reason to get too excited anyway. Darryl Gamble is the better player right now and Slash is working on solo projects.

X. I will make at least one Urban Meyer or Tim Tebow joke every day this week.

Did you hear Urban Meyer is only dressing 20 players for the game on Saturday? He told the rest of them they'd have to dress themselves.

OK, OK, one more... How many Gator freshmen does it take to screw in alightbulb? It's a trick question. That's a sophomore course.

11. I will learn Roman numberals higher than 10.

I just need them to make five more Rocky movies.